MEMORY
My biggest fear was falling in love and not being able to control myself but now it is losing you that makes me nervous. Is it not funny how we protect ourselves so much that when someone finally catches you off guard it feels amazing?
I did not even see you coming, it was a hit and run and the only thing I remember actually was me in your arms holding me tight. You showed me something I did not think that was possible anymore. My past was exactly that "my past' the only thing I can see actually is your smile, genuine, honest, sincere and mischievous nature. It is the way you look at me, like you are staring at someone you have known your whole life just seeing them differently. I have been happier and you gave me another reason to stay like this. I think that it is funny how we ended up here and to think that it was actually a mistake on someone else's part and a bonus on mine. There were no butterflies and I prefer it like that, they tend to fly away. I am glad that I saw you with your friend that day because thanks to you I am sure that I have moved on with my life now.
You took one look and saw what most people only know because I have spilled my guts to them, standing in that room and feeling like we were the only people in it was the scariest thing that has never ever happened to me till you. I have read of such moments in books but never have I experienced something so different and not in my range. When I am with you that is when I feel free and when you are laughing your loudest is when I knew that something funny must be in the air,when you smile I know you are content but more so because I am the reason for it, and when you walk towards me I know what follows and although sometimes It looks dreadful I am actually happy that you were so persistent. I tend to be too stubborn unnecessarily so but when you hug me tight and kiss my hair everything just becomes much more clearer.
There is a question i have read once last year that pops in my head whenever I think of you "Do you think that you will be ready when the guy you required is what you need, is put in front of you?"
A year back my question would be a simple NO!! and I would not change my mind because I knew what my problem was and I was not willing to take any kind of risk and then you appeared a part of me believes that you are the game changer and then my question is, " How far am I willing to let you change the game?" Truth is my other biggest fear is losing myself because it took me longer than it actually was supposed to for me to recover, lick my wounds and return back to reality and as much s I do not plan to go through that road with you it is like I said everything happened so fast. I was so scared before that when I think about it now all I want is to spend as much time with you as I can it is not the future that is important but right now, here with you is all that matters. Many people spend a great amount of time worrying about what could have been, and what what would be that they forget that every breath taken is actually supposed to be celebrated. My worst memory is of you trying to smile through a bad situation and I could not bear that it hit like a dagger that through my chest that you were unhappy but it was not the cherry on the cake. I cannot bear to look at you and remember all that pain so if I steer away do not hold it against me.
I want to let you know about so much more but what is the point when you will probably never even get a chance to read this or hear my voice nor my laugh I know that it is the only other thing that keeps you going knowing that I am happy. I write in the past converted to future because I have a feeling that I might have lost you, as much as those words are very hard to swallow there is no way to move on from this unless I learn to admit to myself what seems only understandable and you are fading away fast I think that when i wake up tomorrow you will be nothing more than just a memory, a dream even an imagination and I cannot even swallow anything anymore.
I am sitting here listening to CLEAN_TAYLOR SWIFT and I wish that the words made sense to me but they don't because I do not hear anything that is being said, the flashbacks are the most satisfying as the future just looks uncertain even tomorrow looks like a page that has been stared on for 6 months straight.
I did not even see you coming, it was a hit and run and the only thing I remember actually was me in your arms holding me tight. You showed me something I did not think that was possible anymore. My past was exactly that "my past' the only thing I can see actually is your smile, genuine, honest, sincere and mischievous nature. It is the way you look at me, like you are staring at someone you have known your whole life just seeing them differently. I have been happier and you gave me another reason to stay like this. I think that it is funny how we ended up here and to think that it was actually a mistake on someone else's part and a bonus on mine. There were no butterflies and I prefer it like that, they tend to fly away. I am glad that I saw you with your friend that day because thanks to you I am sure that I have moved on with my life now.
You took one look and saw what most people only know because I have spilled my guts to them, standing in that room and feeling like we were the only people in it was the scariest thing that has never ever happened to me till you. I have read of such moments in books but never have I experienced something so different and not in my range. When I am with you that is when I feel free and when you are laughing your loudest is when I knew that something funny must be in the air,when you smile I know you are content but more so because I am the reason for it, and when you walk towards me I know what follows and although sometimes It looks dreadful I am actually happy that you were so persistent. I tend to be too stubborn unnecessarily so but when you hug me tight and kiss my hair everything just becomes much more clearer.
There is a question i have read once last year that pops in my head whenever I think of you "Do you think that you will be ready when the guy you required is what you need, is put in front of you?"
A year back my question would be a simple NO!! and I would not change my mind because I knew what my problem was and I was not willing to take any kind of risk and then you appeared a part of me believes that you are the game changer and then my question is, " How far am I willing to let you change the game?" Truth is my other biggest fear is losing myself because it took me longer than it actually was supposed to for me to recover, lick my wounds and return back to reality and as much s I do not plan to go through that road with you it is like I said everything happened so fast. I was so scared before that when I think about it now all I want is to spend as much time with you as I can it is not the future that is important but right now, here with you is all that matters. Many people spend a great amount of time worrying about what could have been, and what what would be that they forget that every breath taken is actually supposed to be celebrated. My worst memory is of you trying to smile through a bad situation and I could not bear that it hit like a dagger that through my chest that you were unhappy but it was not the cherry on the cake. I cannot bear to look at you and remember all that pain so if I steer away do not hold it against me.
I want to let you know about so much more but what is the point when you will probably never even get a chance to read this or hear my voice nor my laugh I know that it is the only other thing that keeps you going knowing that I am happy. I write in the past converted to future because I have a feeling that I might have lost you, as much as those words are very hard to swallow there is no way to move on from this unless I learn to admit to myself what seems only understandable and you are fading away fast I think that when i wake up tomorrow you will be nothing more than just a memory, a dream even an imagination and I cannot even swallow anything anymore.
I am sitting here listening to CLEAN_TAYLOR SWIFT and I wish that the words made sense to me but they don't because I do not hear anything that is being said, the flashbacks are the most satisfying as the future just looks uncertain even tomorrow looks like a page that has been stared on for 6 months straight.
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